How Long Does the Wound from Spiritual Abuse Last?
Can the Hurt Actually Be Healed?
Life has a way of confronting us with difficult challenges. Suffering spiritual abuse in a church is one of those times. When we’re thrown into an intolerable situations, our emotions play havoc with us. The shock of such behavior from the perpetrating Christian that we trusted is devastating. It’s like a storm has hit, destroying everything in its path, and we’re left with the aftermath. That aftermath can last a really long time. And we learn that what’s left in the remaining is the continuation of the wound, the hurt. I know the truth of that very well, because I’ve been there. In fact, the “remaining” can last for the rest of our lives.
And so please understand what I’m going to say here. I’m not being crass or misunderstanding of how bad spiritual abuse hurts. It’s just that “in the remaining” lies our healing, if we can only see that possibility and, if not yet, then someday, have the courage to look at it.
When we’re in the middle of strong emotions, it’s the most natural thing in the world for them to be front and center. Because we are angry, or desperately despondent, or stressed out. Here’s the challenge: Perhaps on the “someday” we will decide to try to find something positive about it. And that we don’t have to let those feelings rule the day any longer. While we do need to pay attention to the anger or sadness or exasperation, or whatever the feelings are, if we only continue to behave in the heat of them, then there’s a day coming when we may well wish we had reacted differently than we did.
So here’s an invitation. It may sound strange, but I’m inviting you to try it. Invite Jesus into your emotions, asking him to help you find a blessing that could grow out of your broken heart. I know, I know, that probably sounds wonky, but do it. Pray that prayer. Invite him into your emotions.
A lot of our “churchy” language tells us to invite Jesus into our heart. In a way, I suppose that could be the same as inviting him into our emotions. But saying it with a different twist just might give a new insight. For example, have you ever prayed, “Lord Jesus, come into my anger and resentment right now. I invite you into the middle of my mess.”
Remembering to invite Jesus into our emotions while in the heat of strong emotions is a real challenge. Wanting to do that in the heat of the moment is a challenge, because the emotion has hold of us. But I can promise you, it’s the first step into finding the value of your brokenness. Invite him into your emotions. In His compassion, He will bring comfort, healing, and a sense of direction. One of my favorite Scriptures is II Corinthians 1:3-4
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
Goodness knows we need comforting. The Lord pours oil on our wounds and stays with us as long as we let Him. The secret: Continue to invite him in, no matter what your emotions are telling you. If you do, you will find healing in the middle of the brokenness. Doing that is one way to live your life one day at a time, one minute at a time “in Christ.” The more we do that, the more we will experience His Presence in our heart, and the sooner we will feel his comfort. And that, my friends, can eventually, someday, lead us into a wiser maturity in Christ.
Therefore there is hope in the brokenness because we know it won’t have the last word. There is value in the brokenness, because in Christ, we are led into that wiser maturity in Him. It may take a long time to realize that wisdom, but it will come. May those blesssings be yours, if not yet, then very very soon.
Thank you for writing this. As a pastor, I see this reality not only in individuals wounded by spiritual abuse, but also collectively in congregations themselves. In interim ministry especially, you often encounter churches living “in the remaining” after conflict, betrayal, unhealthy leadership, or long seasons of grief and decline. The emotions are real, and they can shape the life of a congregation for years.
That is why your invitation to bring Jesus into the middle of those emotions is so important. Healing rarely begins with denial or forced positivity. It begins when people finally become honest about the hurt and allow him to meet them there. I especially appreciated your reminder that brokenness does not have the last word. That is true for souls, and it is true for congregations too. Thank you for offering such a compassionate and hopeful reflection.